How to use coaching language?

Language works in two ways in coaching.

First, the coach pays attention to their own use of language.

Second, the coach constantly focuses on their customer’s language use and also what is not said. Gestures, pauses, hesitations and other non-verbal cues also create meaning.

When we are using powerful language, we

• use positive words, short questions, and mirror language

• tolerate silences and adapt to the rhythm of the person being coached

• verbalise what we see, hear or feel

• show empathy and create safety, but aim at increased responsibility

Coaching language differs from everyday language use.

When coaching we

• listen and show it verbally (…yes…, mm-hm…)

• let them tell their stories, insights and experiences and constantly read between the lines

• use positive language instead of negative expressions

• avoid asking ‘why’ as it often leads to defences

• find opportunities and seek to encourage

• use short questions

• avoid mannerisms and tolerate silences

• observe and verbalise our findings, we visualise

• avoid judgement or criticism, instead we encourage responsibility

• create safety by being authentic

• mirror word choices and metaphors

Coaching language is a powerful way interacting with other people. It is intense, goal-driven and focused but it can also improve everyday communication because it focusses heavily on listening and creating a safe space for everyone to express themselves.